How do you know if something you’ve done or are planning to do is ethical? Ideally we’d all have the time to consider our actions and do the right thing every time. Of course, that’s a blindly idealistic wish. Sometimes decisions have to be made without the luxury of time to permit advance analysis. But, if we survive the decision, we have the benefit of hindsight to consider the choices we’ve made and learn from them. Faced with similar split-second decisions in the future, the template is already in place and we’re more inclined to make the “right” choice the next time around. What follows is my personal roadmap. Yours may vary and I’d be interested to know how others self-critique the choices they’ve made in life.
- Did (will) my decision discriminate against, do harm to or deny the rights of another person or entity? This is the foundational question from which I build. It isn’t the only consideration, but it’s an important one. On the surface, if the answer is yes then I’ve pushed the balance of my decision towards the negative. I’ve quite possibly done something (or am considering doing something) unethical.
- Are we both subject to the same ethical boundaries? Just because I may think an act is right or wrong, would the other stakeholders feel the same way? For example, I fail to shake the hand of a woman to whom I’ve just been introduced but I do shake her husband’s hand. Have I just offended that woman? Have I just let down my own moral imperative to treat a woman with the same respect I would show a man? In the US, I may well have and shame on me for not treating her as an equal. But if we’re standing in the airport in Dubai, I’ve just done the exact right thing by my host’s standards. As I am a guest, it is my obligation to attempt to honor their cultural guidelines. I may openly discuss the subject with both husband and wife to ensure I’ve offered no offense, but I shouldn’t consider my morality tarnished.
- Did I (will I) sacrifice my personal ethical directives? It isn’t against the law to call a person an idiot, a hideous dresser or an ugly slug but it’s an assault on my own moral code. I’ve a boatload of my own flaws (temper being one) and I could see myself stooping to something as small-minded as an insult in the blistering heat of a steaming argument providing the opposition fired off the first shot. I could also see myself regretting the behavior once the dust settled. Even the handshake incident described in #2 would bother me because it goes against my grain to show less respect to a woman than I would to a man. I would go along with it to prevent either of us from doing time in prison, but I wouldn’t like it and would try to find subtle ways of conveying my respect to the woman in another way that would both honor Muslim law and also honor my own inner law.
- Did I act selfishly - Self gratification is nothing to be ashamed of. If we didn’t take care of ourselves now and again, nobody else would likely bother. But it’s a slippery slope when it comes to morality as any of the accounting frauds in the early 2000s can clearly show. It is all too easy to stop thinking of others when we act in our own interests. Analyzing our motivation, finding it was selfish, can often lead to the discovery that we’ve somehow violated the first item in this list and have done harm to others. Kenneth Lay of the Enron scandal wasn’t wrong for wanting to build personal wealth. Just look at all the good Bill Gates’ wealth is doing the world now through his charitable grants. What made Lay ethically bankrupt was his indifference to the potential harm his actions would cause to countless stakeholders. He thought about himself and his personal interests and selfishly failed to consider the broader impact of his actions.
- Would I like to be treated this way? I just wrapped up my employee reviews a few weeks ago. I sometimes struggle as a manager if only because I hate being the bearer of bad news. It’s a necessary evil, I know, but it’s still unpleasant. Year-end reviews are particularly trying because, regardless their beliefs, not too many people are receptive to criticism even when it’s designed to promote improvement. Constructive criticism, however, is a critical element in personal improvement and I’ve doled out a fair share of it recently. Performance reviews ended fine, though, and I credit fair treatment for that. My objective, going in, was to review performance in a manner consistent with how I would like to be treated were I on the receiving end of the review. I’ll spare you the boring details, but the end results were very positive. When planning an action for which there are other stakeholders, consider how you would feel were you on the receiving end.
- Is money (the accumulation or saving of) my motivator? Time and again I see people sacrificing ethics and common sense in the pursuit of money. When a decision has dollar signs attached to it, I try to take the time to think. It’s just far too easy to make bad decisions when there’s a profit on the line. Tread lightly here and you may not become filthy rich someday, but your soul (or self respect) will probably be in better order than were you to barrel full steam ahead in pursuit of profit with little consideration for the consequences.
Now, in all honesty, nothing would ever get done if we all consciously withheld action on anything until we’d run through a tick list like the one above before making a decision and, as it happens, I don’t stop everything to consider the ramifications against a list like this. But I have spent so much of my life applying these guidelines both in advance and in retrospect that it’s pretty much intuitive at this stage. What are your measures for appropriate action? Can you add to this list?
Kindness is a lot like a prankster’s gift… even if it comes in a small box, the prize can be remarkably big or, conversely, a big and brightly wrapped box might not have anything that spectacular inside (unless you’re morbidly fascinated by bubble-wrap). Think about it… if I give $50 to Bill Gates, is he really going to be all that impressed? Sure, to me, it’s a noticeable amount of money, but he would earn more in the time it took him to open the envelope than he’d gain from its contents. On the other hand, a $5 bill handed to a homeless man could make the difference between going hungry and going to bed with a full stomach. With that in mind, here are some relatively small acts that can really make a positive difference in somebody’s life despite the minor effort required.
I’ve been griping about work lately. Why not? It’s been rough. It’s gotten rougher and the outlook is for it to get rougher still. But the truth of the matter is that I have little legitimate cause to complain and it took a visit to the local convenience store yesterday to make me realize what a shameless moron I really am. It was an opportunity lost but a lesson I’ll carry with me that, when you get right down to it, how we live our lives is really all about the perspective we chose to take.
Is there such a thing as too much honesty? I firmly believe there is. Bursting out in laughter when your wife comes down in a dress she’s clearly proud of is not only an example of excessive honesty, it’s unkind. Telling everybody you dislike how you feel about them is too much honesty. But there’s a line, too rarely crossed, in which a bit of unexpected honesty can be a wonderful thing.
With another episode of The Big Give right around the bend, I thought I should take a minute to address the lesson I took away from the last one. I’ve taken to watching The Big Give with a notebook in hand, jotting down the activities of each contestant and recording my thoughts. There were plenty of touching moments and one particularly surprising incident in which Sheg goes to perform a random act of kindness and discovers the intended recipient just lost her daughter two hours before he arrived. But the most poignant moment for me came in the last minutes of the show.
Most of my childhood was spent growing up in Germany. My father and I lived off base on the German economy so most of my friends were German. Warm weather afternoons were spent at a local beer garden on the edge of a forest I considered my playground. On one particular Saturday afternoon, I was introduced to an elderly gentleman my friends called Opah Kross (Grandpa Kross). I’m being polite. The introduction was more of a warning and he didn’t behave like much of a gentleman. “Dies ist der Amerikaner?” I heard behind me as I talked to my would-be girlfriend. I turned around, long since used to being either an outcast or a novelty in my neighborhood. I’d been asked after as the “Amerikaner” so often there didn’t seem anything odd in it happening again, “Psst, Davit, nein!” my friend, Iris, tried to warn me. I ignored her.
It’s interesting what a change in perspective can do for your outlook. I came off my third consecutive 70 hour week at work last Friday wanting nothing more than a quiet, stress-free weekend at home with nothing to do and absolutely no obligations to take me away from, well, doing nothing. That’s not how things worked out as I’d already promised to attend the big Pet Expo, needed to write some advance content for my blog, wanted to update my other website and assist my wife with her site. In addition, 3 consecutive 70 hour weeks of work equates to precious little free time to keep up with housework so there was a list of honey-dos in desperate need of catching up on. I won’t lie about it…, I was NOT pleased.