Is there such a thing as too much honesty? I firmly believe there is. Bursting out in laughter when your wife comes down in a dress she’s clearly proud of is not only an example of excessive honesty, it’s unkind. Telling everybody you dislike how you feel about them is too much honesty. But there’s a line, too rarely crossed, in which a bit of unexpected honesty can be a wonderful thing.
Every now and again I’ll notice something about somebody that’s worthy of comment. It might be a woman’s smile, eyes or beauty. It might be an employee’s work ethic or professionalism. Sometimes I’ll find a person’s laugh contagious or their word’s inspirational. Other times it’s something less tangible, like the simple comfort I take in somebody’s presence. All too often, though, I keep my opinion to myself. I’m not alone in that. Many of us do.
Paying a compliment can be an art. Complimenting a woman other than your wife/girlfriend can lead her to assume you’re trying to pick her up. Or, worse, lead your wife to think you’re trying to pick the other woman up. The difference between attraction and simple appreciation can be a subtlety not everybody is comfortable with. Telling your boss you appreciate the guidance and mentorship she’s provided can lead to the belief that you’re kissing butt. As I mentioned in a previous post, it’s a cynical world. People are sometimes inclined to perceive a kind remark, no strings attached, as solicitation for a favor of some sort. The best advice in paying a compliment is to have a conversation first. Once a person is engaged in a conversation and their guard is down a bit, they’re less likely to question your motives when you spring a compliment on them.
Timing is crucial. Avoid complimenting a person in a bar unless you actually are trying to pick them up because that’s likely to be how it’ll be taken. An unexpected, innocuous moment is likely better for both the unexpected and unthreatening setting. Compliments on performance to an employee are best reserved for immediately after the performance is noted or during a performance review. Sometimes the delay has some leverage. Think back to a time your wife dressed up and looked particularly stunning. Bring that day up to her years down the road and you’ll probably make her day - remember that dress you wore to the office Christmas party in 2000, honey? I’ll always remember how beautiful you looked that night. Despite the years that have passed, it shows you paid attention, remembered, and think of her outside the context of the here and now.
Regardless the pitfalls and challenges that sometimes go into paying a person an honest, no strings attached compliment, I think it’s worth the time. It costs you nothing (except possibly having to explain your intentions as honorable if the reaction is wary) and can mean so much to the recipient, resulting in an ear to ear grin for the rest of their day. So how about starting somebody’s day off right? How about taking a few minutes of your time to pay somebody, even a relative stranger, a sincere and well deserved compliment? They’ll likely be glad you did.
