When you think of kindness, what comes to mind? Helping somebody change a tire? Donating money to a charity? Saying something encouraging to a depressed friend? Sure, all those things are kind. But what if I told you I placed a person under house arrest, denied them access to their friends and took away their most valued possessions? Would you call those acts kind or would you call them cruel? Before you answer that, let me tell a quick story.
My father once told me the story of three blind wise men who were presented a challenge. By touch alone, they were to identify something. The first man reached out and confidently exclaimed, “It’s a tree, of course.” The second reached out and said, “Nonsense. This is clearly a donkey.” The third reached out, snatched his hand back and shouted, “It’s a SNAKE!” How could they all have such wildly different ideas? What the three blind men had touched in turn was the leg, tail and trunk of an elephant. The moral of the story is to avoid judging something without knowing the whole story.
So, let me provide the rest of the picture… the person in question is my daughter who has been doing terribly lately in school and in whose room I’ve discovered drugs. She has been associating with some very bad influences with juvenile criminal records. I’ve taken away her cell phone, room phone and any other distractions from homework, enforced a serious grounding and have advised her she is no longer to associate with the people who have been supplying her with drugs.
Don’t panic, the scenario above is purely fabricated, but do you still feel my actions would be unkind now that you have the whole story? I’m sure the girl in this story would feel the actions were unjust but kindness isn’t always about instilling a warm fuzzy sensation. Kindness, sometimes, means doing something tough because you love somebody.
Never forget that you have an obligation to raise your children right. Your decisions may sometimes be unpopular. Your actions may be resented. But sacrificing your popularity with your child in an effort to ensure their safety and moral upbringing is the ultimate in kindness. At a young age, my wife complained to her mother, “Why can’t you just be my friend.” Her mother’s wise answer was, “Because I’m your mother.” I can’t think of a greater kindness than to deny yourself the easy road and live up to your obligation as a parent. And I can’t thank my mother in law enough for her influence in molding the wonderful woman I’ve married.
