May 10, 2008
Just a quick weekend update. My wife and I continue the home cleanup efforts in advance of getting contractors in to do work so I haven’t had the time I’d like to devote to my blogs. I did some research this morning, though, in search of some uplifting stores and found a great blog I’d like to share with you. It dispenses with the written word and let’s pictures tell the story. I think you’ll like it. It shows the beauty of friendship in an endearing and unusual way. Go visit Lets Be Friends and see if you don’t agree. I dare you not to say, “awwww.”
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Categories: Inspiration.
Tags: friends, friendship, unusual
May 7, 2008
My wife and I have a one year plan to get out of the townhouse I’ve owned for over 25 years and move to a single family home with some land. In advance of selling the townhouse, we have some serious work that needs doing including electrical work, plumbing, general upgrades and to completely remodel a kitchen and at least one bathroom. Add to that the replacement of all the windows and a great deal of painting and logic simply dictates some stuff needs to migrate out before we do so ourselves. There’s simply too much clutter in the way.
One tends to accumulate a lot of junk in 25 years and it’s easy to walk past the majority of it without paying it a second thought until faced with the prospect of relocating it or working around it (as I am now). As much of a nuisance as the weeks and months ahead will be, there’s a fringe benefit to sorting through all the accumulated clutter and making some honest decisions about the value it adds to our lives. When it comes to stress reduction, less is more.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, your eyes and brain are constantly picking up queues from your environment. As you stare at the TV, the knick-knacks hanging from the walls, cluttering up shelves and gathering dust in corners subtly act on your mind and they’re sending a noisy message. Depending on how cluttered your visual space is, your brain can interpret that scene as a chaotic queue for stress.
I’m not advocating a minimalist lifestyle, though that certainly has merits, but I am suggesting you take a look around, inventory everything in view in the room you frequent most, and decide what it all adds to your life. What can you live without to reduce stress? Things you haven’t used or interacted with for over a year aren’t positively contributing to a calming environment. Sure, pictures and knick-knacks add a touch of personality, but there is such a thing as too much personality. Consider taking the following steps to reduce clutter in your life and your mind.
- Inventory the objects in a room
- Assign a number from 1-10 based on the value the item has to you. 1 = couldn’t possibly care less about it, 10 = I’ll die the instant it’s removed from my presence.
- Assign another number from 1-10 based on how often you use, admire or interact with the items. 1 = never, 10 = several times a day.
- In a third column, add the two numbers together. If your score for an item is 2-5, why are you hanging on to it? If it is 6-10, you really could live without it unless you can HONESTLY think of a good reason to keep it. 11-15 is probably worth keeping unless you foresee a near future in which the item will be in the way or decline in personal value. 16-20 feel no guilt and hang on to it.
It is often difficult to honestly recognize the worth of the objects in our lives. They are often comforting simply for their constant presence. But, you have to really think about what one more dust-collecting piece of junk adds to your life. If it didn’t cost much, never gets used and you forgot it was there until starting this exercise, toss it. Don’t fall into the excuse trap and justify keeping it by telling yourself you might want to have it around “someday.” Someday almost never comes and, if it does, you can probably run out and pick up a new piece of junk to fulfill the need if it really is an emergency.
Trust me, you’ll feel better surrounded by less as long as the essentials and the objects that truly add value to your life remain.
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Categories: Health.
Tags: clutter, reduce stress, reduction, stress
April 29, 2008
How do you know if something you’ve done or are planning to do is ethical? Ideally we’d all have the time to consider our actions and do the right thing every time. Of course, that’s a blindly idealistic wish. Sometimes decisions have to be made without the luxury of time to permit advance analysis. But, if we survive the decision, we have the benefit of hindsight to consider the choices we’ve made and learn from them. Faced with similar split-second decisions in the future, the template is already in place and we’re more inclined to make the “right” choice the next time around. What follows is my personal roadmap. Yours may vary and I’d be interested to know how others self-critique the choices they’ve made in life.
- Did (will) my decision discriminate against, do harm to or deny the rights of another person or entity? This is the foundational question from which I build. It isn’t the only consideration, but it’s an important one. On the surface, if the answer is yes then I’ve pushed the balance of my decision towards the negative. I’ve quite possibly done something (or am considering doing something) unethical.
- Are we both subject to the same ethical boundaries? Just because I may think an act is right or wrong, would the other stakeholders feel the same way? For example, I fail to shake the hand of a woman to whom I’ve just been introduced but I do shake her husband’s hand. Have I just offended that woman? Have I just let down my own moral imperative to treat a woman with the same respect I would show a man? In the US, I may well have and shame on me for not treating her as an equal. But if we’re standing in the airport in Dubai, I’ve just done the exact right thing by my host’s standards. As I am a guest, it is my obligation to attempt to honor their cultural guidelines. I may openly discuss the subject with both husband and wife to ensure I’ve offered no offense, but I shouldn’t consider my morality tarnished.
- Did I (will I) sacrifice my personal ethical directives? It isn’t against the law to call a person an idiot, a hideous dresser or an ugly slug but it’s an assault on my own moral code. I’ve a boatload of my own flaws (temper being one) and I could see myself stooping to something as small-minded as an insult in the blistering heat of a steaming argument providing the opposition fired off the first shot. I could also see myself regretting the behavior once the dust settled. Even the handshake incident described in #2 would bother me because it goes against my grain to show less respect to a woman than I would to a man. I would go along with it to prevent either of us from doing time in prison, but I wouldn’t like it and would try to find subtle ways of conveying my respect to the woman in another way that would both honor Muslim law and also honor my own inner law.
- Did I act selfishly - Self gratification is nothing to be ashamed of. If we didn’t take care of ourselves now and again, nobody else would likely bother. But it’s a slippery slope when it comes to morality as any of the accounting frauds in the early 2000s can clearly show. It is all too easy to stop thinking of others when we act in our own interests. Analyzing our motivation, finding it was selfish, can often lead to the discovery that we’ve somehow violated the first item in this list and have done harm to others. Kenneth Lay of the Enron scandal wasn’t wrong for wanting to build personal wealth. Just look at all the good Bill Gates’ wealth is doing the world now through his charitable grants. What made Lay ethically bankrupt was his indifference to the potential harm his actions would cause to countless stakeholders. He thought about himself and his personal interests and selfishly failed to consider the broader impact of his actions.
- Would I like to be treated this way? I just wrapped up my employee reviews a few weeks ago. I sometimes struggle as a manager if only because I hate being the bearer of bad news. It’s a necessary evil, I know, but it’s still unpleasant. Year-end reviews are particularly trying because, regardless their beliefs, not too many people are receptive to criticism even when it’s designed to promote improvement. Constructive criticism, however, is a critical element in personal improvement and I’ve doled out a fair share of it recently. Performance reviews ended fine, though, and I credit fair treatment for that. My objective, going in, was to review performance in a manner consistent with how I would like to be treated were I on the receiving end of the review. I’ll spare you the boring details, but the end results were very positive. When planning an action for which there are other stakeholders, consider how you would feel were you on the receiving end.
- Is money (the accumulation or saving of) my motivator? Time and again I see people sacrificing ethics and common sense in the pursuit of money. When a decision has dollar signs attached to it, I try to take the time to think. It’s just far too easy to make bad decisions when there’s a profit on the line. Tread lightly here and you may not become filthy rich someday, but your soul (or self respect) will probably be in better order than were you to barrel full steam ahead in pursuit of profit with little consideration for the consequences.
Now, in all honesty, nothing would ever get done if we all consciously withheld action on anything until we’d run through a tick list like the one above before making a decision and, as it happens, I don’t stop everything to consider the ramifications against a list like this. But I have spent so much of my life applying these guidelines both in advance and in retrospect that it’s pretty much intuitive at this stage. What are your measures for appropriate action? Can you add to this list?
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Categories: Values and Ethics.
Tags: Decision, Decisions, ethical, Ethical Decision, Ethical Decisions, ethics